I am constantly in a state of changing how I think. I am finding that my old ways of thinking, which included critiquing, goal oriented, being objective, trying to fix problems and find solutions, no longer fit me and I am trying to replace them with surrender, being process oriented, and wonder, respectively. What I think is an even bigger process than any of these is to think relationally. I have found this to be much harder than I thought it would be, as I am just discovering how individualistic my thinking really is. It is obvious to say that our culture is individualistic, so obvious and stated so often that it is almost useless to say. What I am finding goes much deeper, is much more pervasive, and will be much harder for me to give up.
One place where I want to see my thinking dramatically change is therapy. So much of my beliefs are still around the idea that one person has the information or at least the expertise and the other is there to learn. But relational therapy doesn't have to be that way. You can learn together, you can both be present, subjective and affected. The therapist can not know what to do, and that is okay, the therapist can be stuck and that is still okay. And even more unbelievable, still worth the money the client is paying them.
The new idea I have is to view every session I have not as a client but as a small group, where there are two members. The therapist is the facilitator, but also a participant. While many small groups have focuses on topics like accountability, or a bible study, the focus of these small groups is always the client. I don't know why, but this seems to be a huge breakthrough for me. instead of having to direct the conversations and keep it client centered, it would be both of our jobs to think about the client and figure him out. we would both talk about what roles we are playing, what we are keeping from the group, how we are affected by the dynamics of the group, where we don't feel safe. Many times it is easy to forget their are relational dynamics going when there is two people, but they still exist in a very strong way.
This also brings me to even more incomplete thoughts about relational therapy. Therapy can no longer be client centered if it is truly relational. everything, including what the patient chooses to start the sessions about, is open to discussion. the therapist no longer has to hold the client taking the session wherever they want, or ignoring previous sessions. If it is relational counseling, it has to be a mutual decision.
The last one is about dual relationships. I just read that the therapist should have no other social relationship with their clients. This seems like a good idea in such a litigious society, and it seems to keep a lot of energy in therapy and keep clingy patients from taking over therapists' lives. But it reeks of professionalism. This is what makes so many people, like my mentor bill james, hate psychology. over time many jobs that deal with people start to separate themselves themselves from not only their clients but from the populous at large by becoming more and more professional. Roles are more defined, boundaries are more strict, their are a lot more laws and insurance is involved. this is why doctors can no longer visit houses, and countless other jobs I can't think of now, but in the past have really bothered me. This happens in Psychology all the time, by therapists telling their clients they can pretend they don't recognize them when they are in public, and that they can't counsel a friend, or have a friendship outside of therapy with a current client, or the language they use that most people can't understand, or all the laws they have to follow and all the paper work they have to fill out. This all separates the therapist from the client, and makes therapy less and less about just talking. Many therapists like it this way, as it obviously has its advantages, but I don't think it is a good direction for the field.
