Waiting for Glory

I titled this blog “is change possible” because I saw my life calling as trying to bring change. I said that I would be willing to be apart of any major movement as long as it was about change. I am beginning to see this as foolish. I think that change doesn’t happen by focusing on change. Change is only a result of wanting something greater. I am beginning to believe change happens when I focus on Glory.

But I couldn’t be where I am now without going through where I once was. My focus on change gave me a sense of longing, an unquenchable desire for more than mediocrity. By wanting change, I began to see what doesn’t matter, what is waste. It became so unimportant to me to look cool, or coming across as cool or attracting attention just so people would like me. Not that I don’t want people to like me. I am a self-professed intimacy junkie. It’s just that I had a stronger urge for them to like me for the right reasons.

I wanted relationships because I heard they brought change and I believed them. It is not knowledge, or insight, or memorizing bible verses that help someone overcome their fractured self. We are healed only when we experience wholeness, and we do this in relationship. When I am lonely I am not made whole by telling myself that I am a good person, or that God loves me, or that this is because my 2^nd grade teacher shamed me for wanting relationships. These are all important things to know and they can bring a lot of healing, but they should never be the primary goal. What changes me when I am lonely is to experience what it is to not be alone with another person. To long for change is to long for relationships.

I know see a better reason for wanting relationships than wanting change. What if I wanted relationships so I can love and be loved? That is it. It is such a simple idea, I might get the idea that carrying this out will be easy. But abandonment is never easy, and alloying myself to be known, to be seen, to be experienced and to be loved is impossible without a foolish amount of abandonment.

As I step back and look at this world, I realize how foolish I was to aim for change. This world needs more than positive change. This world needs Glory. God calls us to bring the Kingdom of Heaven to Earth. That is Glory. When I dream of the beauty, the awesomeness of God’s Kingdom, I don’t need to think about what is wrong with the world. The redemption of the world comes naturally as an abundant outpouring as I focus on greater things.

God wants us to shame the wise and humble the proud with the wisdom of Heaven. But I cannot do this by looking at the wise and the proud. When I experiencing the absurdity of Heaven I naturally call the world into account. By living in the freedom of Glory, I can live free from others expectations and control. To not live under power exposes the limits of the powerful. When I relate to someone without cowering, or allowing them to shame me, or reacting and becoming defensive, I bring them shame. But I don’t want to do it for them, to shame them. I want to do it for me, because it is always better to be free.

When I invite someone into relationship with me when I know they want to label me, I can expose the holes in their judgments. When I stand up for myself and show grace, I make someone curious. Maybe they will question if what they believe is right. Maybe they will look at themselves a second longer. See, turning the other cheek is never about backing down. It is about getting knocked on your ass, dusting yourself off, standing right back up in the face of your oppressor, and inviting him to knock you on your ass again. But this time it is different. Because that is not weak. Choosing not to fight is very different than being unable to fight. But once again I do not want to stand up and turn my cheek to my oppressor because I want to show him his folly. I stand up because I want to get out of the dirt. I turn my check because it is better for ME to not respond in anger. It is because I see God’s glory when I do not hate.

I realized all of this when I was thinking of suffering and how important it is for the Christian life. But suffering is only a result of something greater; it should never be a goal in and of itself. A good friend told me that desiring to suffer only leads people to self-righteousness and making them a martyr. But when we envision joy, and yearn to find it, pursue it ever chance we get, and fight to find the joy in this world, suffering will come. But it leads to much fuller suffering. It is suffering from longing for the perfection of the provision of God’s hand. This is glory. This is not self-righteous, because it is longing for something greater than suffering, which is Joy, but it realizes that all joy requires suffering. Because of this, suffering can become beauty. But only when it is a result of searching for something much greater.

I guess I could have titled this post “Focus” because everything I am writing about concerns what should be your primary focus. It is not enough to focus on good things, or make a priority of the truths of the bible. To live into the Kingdom of Glory, we all have to focus on only the best things. Sometimes when I think about how much effort it takes to train myself to live for Glory, I get exhausted. Because it will be a lot of work. But I am comforted that my strength to live under Glory will not come from a superior amount of determination or effort, but an ever greatening simplicity of focus.

Comming Attractions

These are a few of the Festivals that need to happen this fall. Most of them will occur at the Mars Dorm, so if you are in the area, please check times and see what festivals are available. If any of you were thinking of moving to Seattle and needed some extra motivation I hope this will spur your decision on.

1. West Wing/a Few Good Men/Clueless party: A bunch of people sitting around a table, staying up all night solving the world’s problems, eating Chinese food. We would need (1) an apartment (2) a big table that could fit laptops, loose paper strewn everywhere, and Chinese food, and (3) Chinese food. And let us not forget (4) people that want to change the world

2. Anne of Green Gables party: A bunch of people sitting around watching hours and hours of Anne of Green Gables. What we need (1) the movie, (2) a projector that that one girl can get from her dad who works at a church (3) pillows and blankets to sit on (4) a big open wall (5) tea and fancy little cookies and fancy little cracker and other fancy foods you eat at a tea party and (6) costumes, at least for Kim. No one else really needs a costume.

3. Patty Griffin party: A bunch of people listening to Justin and Naomi playing Patty Griffin Songs. What we need (1) Justin (2) Naomi (3) Snacks

4. Martin Luther King Party: This happens on or near Martin Luther King Day In January, and it is a bunch of people getting together around candles and listening to readings of Martin Luther King Jr. We need (1) candles (2) Shannon or Naomi or someone who is a great reader (3) Works of Martin Luther King Jr.

5. “Passions Party”. A bunch of people sitting together talking about what they love and brainstorming about what they wish they could do with their lives, all in a nurturing and supportive environment of love. What we need (1) convince people that the “Passions Party” is completely on the up and up (2) a nurturing and supportive environment (3) Alchohol

6. “Babette’s Feast” Feast. A bunch of people eating great food while watching Babette’s feast. What we need (1) The movie from the Mars Hill Library (2) great food (3) wine

7. Women of liberation party: A Bunch of people sitting around eating food, listening to readings and celebrating the lives of women, like Joan of Ark and Sophie Shoal, who gave their lives for a better world.

Response to the Professor in Sexual Disorders Class

I still am having a hard time with what you said in class. When you said that women are almost always the relational barometers for a relationship, and that is because women are more relational than me. I know you are talking to women primarily and wanting women to know what to expect, but I think it discredits what being a man is. I know why I am not a relational barometer in my marriage. It is because I am afraid. I am afraid of what it would bring up and what it would require of me. But don’t tell me that men are incapable of being aware of the relationship. I have feelings and emotions, and I can be aware of them. I can be intuitive and can read the emotions of my partner. I have the Holy Spirit and I can listen to when my spirit and my soul is not right. The fact that I don’t does not mean I should. When I read the scripture I see no exception given to men for listening to the voice of God, or caring for others, or even the basic commandment of love. Love is not self seeking, it always protects, always hopes, always perseveres. If I as a man do not want to talk about the relationship, or care what is happening in the relationship, and refuse to take initiative in pursuing my partner, I do not love.

You also said that men and women are just built differently, and that affects how hard it is for men to stop in sex. How do you know what parts of this are social constructs, and what is not. I have heard the stories of many men of what messages they were told by their fathers. I have been told by countless movies, and books and sermons that as a man I have a sex drive that must be regulated and released. Do you know how that message makes me feel? Like an animal. Don’t tell me I am an animal because my greatest fear is that I will believe it. But I am not a slave to my desires. I, as a man, have the capability for self-control. In my sexual relations I am given no pass to take advantage of anyone. It is not primarily a women’s responsibility to stop a man from proceeding when she is unwilling or unsure. It is the responsibility of the man’s conscience.

I do not believe men can overcome their sexual violence toward women when men are consistently told they cannot help themselves. Our society, our churches and communities will not change while we don't hold men accountable. Can you please hold me and my sex to a higher standard? I have been created to reflect the glory of God. My God is a God of reconciliation and relationship. If I live under the message the world has given me as a man, I reflect God as using us for His purposes, as using us and discarding us.

Day 1 thoughts on Ephesians

1. This book is very positive, and Paul is in a very good mood

2. I usually gloss over all the positive stuff and get to the “to-do” list. It will take effort for me to really meditate on “what a rich and glorious inheritance He has given his people”

3. I don’ think Paul wants us to focus on our behaviors, at least in the first 3 chapters. When he brings up things for us to do, I think they are more of a sign that we are on the right path than a destination to strive for.

4. 5:10 “try to find what is pleasing to the Lord.” This sounds so playful to me. God is not looking for absolutes; there is often not a right or wrong. But he desires that we listen to the Holy Spirit and try things out

5. I like the first half of the book much more right now than the 2^nd half. But I do like the 2^nd half of chapter 6.

Feel free to comment on my thoughts or to make your own comments

Response to a Careless Patriot

(Letter written to some students who voiced thier allegiance to the President of Iran for his bravery in standing up to the United States)

While you were praising the President of Iran, I couldn’t help think that you were only lifting him up to put others down. You said that you don’t know what you believe about this man, but that you respect his desire to challenge the United States’ assertion that it has the right to be the world power. You seemed to be aligning yourself with anyone that is willing to challenge the United States.

I will follow your lead and assert myself that I don’t know what I believe about Iran, or even the United State’s place in the world. But What I do know is that your manner in approaching this subject troubled me. I don’t want you to believe I am making any rebuttal because of any uncomfort over my own beliefs. What I do believe, and believe more strongly than any position I have on any of these issues, is that what you did say in class is far from what your heart is longing to say. I don’t want you to gloss over injustice or ignore your greater sensitivity to what the Holy Spirit is saying to you. I want you to want more.

I don’t believe it is enough to fix the problems of the world. I think this would only lead to mediocrity, as fixing something that is bad only makes it “not bad”. I believe how we live into the resurrection of Christ is that we dream of heaven here on earth and align our hearts with the message that says it can happen and it can happen while we are alive. There is nothing more beautiful to me than the sight of someone who has sold her soul for the hope that the Kingdom of God can be created on earth, even though she is aware how impossible this dream really is. I want to be a man like this, naively trusting that I can be worker, a co-creator in building a Kingdom of Love, Freedom and Relationship, that will fail miserably almost every day I join in.

What I bring to you, then, is that you are setting your sights way to low. Instead of setting your mind against something you don’t believe in, why don’t you open your soul for something you believe in. Living into the incarnation is not aligning yourself with people who challenge the proud and powerful, any more than it is to join those who oppress others. Living into the incarnation is going to both the weak and powerful, both Iran and the United States, and painting a picture of a better world. Living into the incarnation is living under the rules of the Kingdom of God, a kingdom that shames the powerful not by attacking them but by elevating the weak. The Kingdom of God doesn’t have to convince people that they are wrong, does not have to shame, or argue. Even the smallest true glimpse of the outworking of the Glory of Heaven on Earth blazes with such Extravagant Grace that tears a hole in mankind. Paint the picture of heaven, live a life that turns the rules of the world on its head and it will shame a system more than any debate or refutation, more than and war or sanction.

As you talked I realized you were just as distant from your opinions as I was from you. In your life, where is the cost to you? It costs nothing to label and dismiss. Where are you abandoning yourself and your need to be right to bring the incarnation to a fallen world? You were made to long for something so fantastic and beautiful the world could not even fathom. Please hear this, please hear the excitement I have in believing you will become great, and hear my sadness that you are settling for fighting for mediocrity.

Response to a Critical Dismissers

(This is my response to some in my theology class who stated they had a hard time with the theologian we were reading because he was a rich white male and wanted to read something else)

When you talked about the need to hear other voices, I personally heard a stronger story in your statement, and I can’t help but feel dismissed by what you have said. I feel dismissed not because I am a rich, white, powerful male, though I am close. I feel dismissed because I have grown to love them; I have grown to see that many fought for life and freedom, and that many also fought for my current ability to think about them.

I have heard often the message to invite, I have been told many times to never look past someone because of their story, no matter what story it is. In my short time here at Mars Hill I have seen what it is like to be listened to when everyone else writes you off. I have read Jesus say to love my enemy, and I have hated those words. I want to separate, to see division and to make sides, for and against. I don’t want to kill someone with kindness, I want to wake them up and shame them of their self-centered ways. I don’t want to listen to my enemies, or the proud, or the self-righteous, I want to startle them out of their complacency and self-centeredness.

But as I am starting to believe what I am hearing I no longer want to love my enemies so that they will have heaping coal burn a hole through their heads, or whatever the good book says about such things says. I want to love them because I don’t want them to be my enemies. I don’t want enemies anymore. I have hurt too long living in this way. This is the struggle I am having with you as I am seeking a connection with you. I don’t want to invite you to dialogue; I want to dismiss you for your lack of acceptance. But I am now seeing that what I really desire is for you to risk accepting those who think differently than you and most of all to find freedom.

What you forgot to do was surrender. When you read this author, you brought your beliefs, world view and criticisms and you never put them down. Could you not try him out and see what was awakened in you? Could God not use even rich white men to communicate his story? But you did not because you never entered in. You didn’t like the color of the house, so you never walked in to see what was inside.

I feel dismissed by you not because I see you attacking ideas close to my heart. I feel dismissed by you because I believe you attacked a way of being, a way of living that seeks to hear others, not label others. When you chose to write someone off instead of listening and waiting, it breaks my heart. Not because of the damage a belief like that causes, though it causes so much. It breaks my heart because you were made for so much more. I hate to see you settling for putting others in a box when you were made for Glory.

Ephesians: The Everlasting Ecstatic Embrace for Everyone, Everyday

In October I want to read the book of Ephesians once a day, every day, for the whole month. I would love it if you read it with me. I am going to write my thoughts, emotions and observations in the comment section and I hope that you will join me in commenting, but you don't have to comment. I think it would be great for a lot of people to be reading the same thing at once.