Waiting for Glory

I titled this blog “is change possible” because I saw my life calling as trying to bring change. I said that I would be willing to be apart of any major movement as long as it was about change. I am beginning to see this as foolish. I think that change doesn’t happen by focusing on change. Change is only a result of wanting something greater. I am beginning to believe change happens when I focus on Glory.

But I couldn’t be where I am now without going through where I once was. My focus on change gave me a sense of longing, an unquenchable desire for more than mediocrity. By wanting change, I began to see what doesn’t matter, what is waste. It became so unimportant to me to look cool, or coming across as cool or attracting attention just so people would like me. Not that I don’t want people to like me. I am a self-professed intimacy junkie. It’s just that I had a stronger urge for them to like me for the right reasons.

I wanted relationships because I heard they brought change and I believed them. It is not knowledge, or insight, or memorizing bible verses that help someone overcome their fractured self. We are healed only when we experience wholeness, and we do this in relationship. When I am lonely I am not made whole by telling myself that I am a good person, or that God loves me, or that this is because my 2^nd grade teacher shamed me for wanting relationships. These are all important things to know and they can bring a lot of healing, but they should never be the primary goal. What changes me when I am lonely is to experience what it is to not be alone with another person. To long for change is to long for relationships.

I know see a better reason for wanting relationships than wanting change. What if I wanted relationships so I can love and be loved? That is it. It is such a simple idea, I might get the idea that carrying this out will be easy. But abandonment is never easy, and alloying myself to be known, to be seen, to be experienced and to be loved is impossible without a foolish amount of abandonment.

As I step back and look at this world, I realize how foolish I was to aim for change. This world needs more than positive change. This world needs Glory. God calls us to bring the Kingdom of Heaven to Earth. That is Glory. When I dream of the beauty, the awesomeness of God’s Kingdom, I don’t need to think about what is wrong with the world. The redemption of the world comes naturally as an abundant outpouring as I focus on greater things.

God wants us to shame the wise and humble the proud with the wisdom of Heaven. But I cannot do this by looking at the wise and the proud. When I experiencing the absurdity of Heaven I naturally call the world into account. By living in the freedom of Glory, I can live free from others expectations and control. To not live under power exposes the limits of the powerful. When I relate to someone without cowering, or allowing them to shame me, or reacting and becoming defensive, I bring them shame. But I don’t want to do it for them, to shame them. I want to do it for me, because it is always better to be free.

When I invite someone into relationship with me when I know they want to label me, I can expose the holes in their judgments. When I stand up for myself and show grace, I make someone curious. Maybe they will question if what they believe is right. Maybe they will look at themselves a second longer. See, turning the other cheek is never about backing down. It is about getting knocked on your ass, dusting yourself off, standing right back up in the face of your oppressor, and inviting him to knock you on your ass again. But this time it is different. Because that is not weak. Choosing not to fight is very different than being unable to fight. But once again I do not want to stand up and turn my cheek to my oppressor because I want to show him his folly. I stand up because I want to get out of the dirt. I turn my check because it is better for ME to not respond in anger. It is because I see God’s glory when I do not hate.

I realized all of this when I was thinking of suffering and how important it is for the Christian life. But suffering is only a result of something greater; it should never be a goal in and of itself. A good friend told me that desiring to suffer only leads people to self-righteousness and making them a martyr. But when we envision joy, and yearn to find it, pursue it ever chance we get, and fight to find the joy in this world, suffering will come. But it leads to much fuller suffering. It is suffering from longing for the perfection of the provision of God’s hand. This is glory. This is not self-righteous, because it is longing for something greater than suffering, which is Joy, but it realizes that all joy requires suffering. Because of this, suffering can become beauty. But only when it is a result of searching for something much greater.

I guess I could have titled this post “Focus” because everything I am writing about concerns what should be your primary focus. It is not enough to focus on good things, or make a priority of the truths of the bible. To live into the Kingdom of Glory, we all have to focus on only the best things. Sometimes when I think about how much effort it takes to train myself to live for Glory, I get exhausted. Because it will be a lot of work. But I am comforted that my strength to live under Glory will not come from a superior amount of determination or effort, but an ever greatening simplicity of focus.

Response to the Professor in Sexual Disorders Class

I still am having a hard time with what you said in class. When you said that women are almost always the relational barometers for a relationship, and that is because women are more relational than me. I know you are talking to women primarily and wanting women to know what to expect, but I think it discredits what being a man is. I know why I am not a relational barometer in my marriage. It is because I am afraid. I am afraid of what it would bring up and what it would require of me. But don’t tell me that men are incapable of being aware of the relationship. I have feelings and emotions, and I can be aware of them. I can be intuitive and can read the emotions of my partner. I have the Holy Spirit and I can listen to when my spirit and my soul is not right. The fact that I don’t does not mean I should. When I read the scripture I see no exception given to men for listening to the voice of God, or caring for others, or even the basic commandment of love. Love is not self seeking, it always protects, always hopes, always perseveres. If I as a man do not want to talk about the relationship, or care what is happening in the relationship, and refuse to take initiative in pursuing my partner, I do not love.

You also said that men and women are just built differently, and that affects how hard it is for men to stop in sex. How do you know what parts of this are social constructs, and what is not. I have heard the stories of many men of what messages they were told by their fathers. I have been told by countless movies, and books and sermons that as a man I have a sex drive that must be regulated and released. Do you know how that message makes me feel? Like an animal. Don’t tell me I am an animal because my greatest fear is that I will believe it. But I am not a slave to my desires. I, as a man, have the capability for self-control. In my sexual relations I am given no pass to take advantage of anyone. It is not primarily a women’s responsibility to stop a man from proceeding when she is unwilling or unsure. It is the responsibility of the man’s conscience.

I do not believe men can overcome their sexual violence toward women when men are consistently told they cannot help themselves. Our society, our churches and communities will not change while we don't hold men accountable. Can you please hold me and my sex to a higher standard? I have been created to reflect the glory of God. My God is a God of reconciliation and relationship. If I live under the message the world has given me as a man, I reflect God as using us for His purposes, as using us and discarding us.

Two Themes

When I read the bible, I like to read it in larger chunks and I like to read a lot over a limited amount of time. This helps me get a different perspective and helps me develops a sense of themes. I would say that in this period of my life nothing interests me more about the bible than themes. I want to know the emphasis of the bible much more than the specific truth in a specific passage. I want to know what the bible cares about more, not just what we can take away from a small portion of the bible. This helps me from justifying my beliefs on one text. Because of this I know that God talks much more about money than he does hell. He talks about the poor more often than salvation. And he talks about love much more often than judgment.

But in doing this I found the bible doesn’t always line up with itself. I seemed to be finding two different themes, both of them weaving through the entire text. One of the themes centers in creation, the other in the death of Jesus. Once I made this “discovery” I decided to focus on their differences and see where it goes if I allow myself to work in the incongruity and not the bible into something safer and more harmonious.

The God of the first theme is the God that rewards us on earth. He is the God of Abraham, who is rewarded financially for his faith, and Job, who is similarly rewarded for “speaking of God what is right”. This is the God of Proverbs, which gives guidelines for success, and of John 15, who wants us to “bear much fruit”. In Psalms 104 we see the celebration of creation and the rejection of anxiety. In Psalms 150 we see the need for radical and unreasonable abandon, the giving up of control. This God wants us to succeed in His will here on earth. This is the God of abundance and extravagance and awe. Nature, birth, life, anything that has beauty speaks to this theme.

Walter Brueggemann writes “The Bible starts out with a liturgy of abundance. Genesis I is a song of praise for God's generosity. It tells how well the world is ordered. It keeps saying, "It is good, it is good, it is good, it is very good." It declares that God blesses -- that is, endows with vitality -- the plants and the animals and the fish and the birds and humankind. And it pictures the creator as saying, "Be fruitful and multiply." In an orgy of fruitfulness, everything in its kind is to multiply the overflowing goodness that pours from God's creator spirit.”

But there is another theme, just as necessary. Not only is nature reflecting God’s glory, but the “earth is groaning as in the pains of childbirth”. All of history demanded the death of Jesus.

This theme is different and countercultural. It breaks all the rules. It says that the last will be first. It says that thing about the rich man and the camel. It calls leaders to be servants and blesses the poor, the oppressed and the needy. This theme is especially prevalent in the Gospel of Luke, where Jesus is consistently seen shaming the proud and confident while not just comforting but praising the weak and hurting.

This theme is very popular in the circles I run with. It makes fools of the establishment, including the church, and calls leaders to abandon their power and give it to others. This is the theme that supports woman and minorities, giving voice to anyone that has had their voice taken from them.

As you read this I want you to not jump to the conclusion that I am describing two sides of the same coin. I truly believe that if you investigate further you will see that these themes are seemingly contradictory and really appear to be messages from two different sources. Unless you admit the differences, you will miss the beauty.

Which theme are you more comfortable with? You might also see someone else’s worldview here. Most of us, if we were honest, like to downplay one side of this issue and see the world through our view. This, obviously, is not the answer either. So, if there are two distinct themes, and we shouldn’t just choose one, what should we do?