Just Worship

Damn N.T. Wright. Why are you so smart? If you were less smart I could argue with you in the way you argue, which is with big words, dropping important names and bible references. I don’t think you would ever listen to me otherwise. If I came to you and told you my conscience is uncomfortable with what you write, what would you say? What if I told you I have seen God work in different ways? What if I said I have learned to be intuitive to my emotions as I encounter the emotions of others, and that I feel fear when I read your piece. Not that I am afraid, but maybe that you write out of a certain sense of fear, of an obligation to keep things together. What would you say to me?

What you could do is use my methods against me. You could say that your conscience is right before the Lord. You could say that I am uncomfortable with your theology because I am uncomfortable with all modern theologians, an unfair grouping akin to racism. You could say that I am confusing you with other theologians and I haven’t really given you a chance. You could say that it is my personal issues that want to keep things from being held together, that it is my own fear that others will control me that makes me fight against anything that smells of control. And you would be right on all counts.

But it doesn’t mean that there is no space for me also being right.

You said no one should worship the sun. You wrote that beauty and nature is only an echo of God. Not only is nature not God, but it cannot directly lead you to God. This is where I cannot in good conscience go along with you. All this seems to make logical sense to me, but I still don’t like it. Life is not separated into what is logical and what is illogical. I can’t help but feel that your method is a deadening of desire, maybe even leading to the quenching of the spirit.

If nature brings you to God, don’t qualify it. Just worship. When you glimpse beauty, throw your soul at it, don’t hold back. You can never see God in beauty with a tentative heart. Do you have any idea how hard it is for me to get over my self and actually feel for something outside of myself? My heart is already careful, I do not need to calm it more. I need to let it free. If the sun calls me to God, I will sing to the Glory of a God that knows of my lack of understanding, and loves to see that I enjoy Him.