God as Lover

I always had a hard time really getting a lot from seeing God as father. This probably says a lot about me. I had neither a really great relationship with my earthly father when I was a kid, or a really poor one. If it would have been great I could have just viewed God the same way I view my dad. If it would have been bad, I would have looked to God to fill a gapping hole in my life that my earthly father never filled, to be the perfect father. But it turns out, for me at least, a “good-enough” father leads to a lack of desire for a “good-enough” Father God.

I struggled with this for years, trying to see God as father. I could see God as a friend, because I longed for friendships. I could see God as “Other” because I was very aware of my sinfulness and separation from anything perfect. I could see God in nature, in science, in knowledge. I could see God hiding underneath the words I read as I learned about any subject. I can see His grace, His longing for connection, His love of reconciliation in counseling. I can see His creation come alive when I write. But I didn’t know how to “balance” my view of God.

But I finally made a choice, and I think it is slowly changing everything about me. I no longer want a balanced view of God. I want to see him first and foremost as lover. I am sure this might sound weird to some and unbalanced to others. But I realized it was time to take a risk and try to live in faith. If I am wrong I will take it up with God when I get to heaven.

The change already has been dramatic. When God is most central as lover, I relate to Him not with my thoughts, but with longing. If I believe Song of Solomon, God does not hate me for my sin, or just want me to be a better person. God desires me. It is impossible to stay the same when you live your life realizing God is constantly moving towards you. Movement changes people, and it has changed me.

When God is lover, I remember to relate to Him, to interact with him with my whole body. It is easy to think about God, or tell Him you love Him. It is hard to “feel” God. It is even harder to remember that God feels me. As I change my presence, as I grow into the very person I am, God notices the change in me. He doesn’t just listen to what I say, or just watch I do, but He feels my presence when I do things that affect my heart. God experiences me through His senses the same way I love Him through my senses. He loves me sensually.

I have just begun my thoughts on this subject, and most of it I will only figure out as it actually happens to me. I am experiencing God pursue me more, long for me as I long for Him. I believe His love for me more often, and I am more excited for heaven. Salvation is a wedding ring. He is preparing me for the wedding. I will take my chances seeing God as my perfect lover, and I as the object of His desire.

What do you think? Should we be careful in our view of God or should we take more risks?