Waiting for Glory

I titled this blog “is change possible” because I saw my life calling as trying to bring change. I said that I would be willing to be apart of any major movement as long as it was about change. I am beginning to see this as foolish. I think that change doesn’t happen by focusing on change. Change is only a result of wanting something greater. I am beginning to believe change happens when I focus on Glory.

But I couldn’t be where I am now without going through where I once was. My focus on change gave me a sense of longing, an unquenchable desire for more than mediocrity. By wanting change, I began to see what doesn’t matter, what is waste. It became so unimportant to me to look cool, or coming across as cool or attracting attention just so people would like me. Not that I don’t want people to like me. I am a self-professed intimacy junkie. It’s just that I had a stronger urge for them to like me for the right reasons.

I wanted relationships because I heard they brought change and I believed them. It is not knowledge, or insight, or memorizing bible verses that help someone overcome their fractured self. We are healed only when we experience wholeness, and we do this in relationship. When I am lonely I am not made whole by telling myself that I am a good person, or that God loves me, or that this is because my 2^nd grade teacher shamed me for wanting relationships. These are all important things to know and they can bring a lot of healing, but they should never be the primary goal. What changes me when I am lonely is to experience what it is to not be alone with another person. To long for change is to long for relationships.

I know see a better reason for wanting relationships than wanting change. What if I wanted relationships so I can love and be loved? That is it. It is such a simple idea, I might get the idea that carrying this out will be easy. But abandonment is never easy, and alloying myself to be known, to be seen, to be experienced and to be loved is impossible without a foolish amount of abandonment.

As I step back and look at this world, I realize how foolish I was to aim for change. This world needs more than positive change. This world needs Glory. God calls us to bring the Kingdom of Heaven to Earth. That is Glory. When I dream of the beauty, the awesomeness of God’s Kingdom, I don’t need to think about what is wrong with the world. The redemption of the world comes naturally as an abundant outpouring as I focus on greater things.

God wants us to shame the wise and humble the proud with the wisdom of Heaven. But I cannot do this by looking at the wise and the proud. When I experiencing the absurdity of Heaven I naturally call the world into account. By living in the freedom of Glory, I can live free from others expectations and control. To not live under power exposes the limits of the powerful. When I relate to someone without cowering, or allowing them to shame me, or reacting and becoming defensive, I bring them shame. But I don’t want to do it for them, to shame them. I want to do it for me, because it is always better to be free.

When I invite someone into relationship with me when I know they want to label me, I can expose the holes in their judgments. When I stand up for myself and show grace, I make someone curious. Maybe they will question if what they believe is right. Maybe they will look at themselves a second longer. See, turning the other cheek is never about backing down. It is about getting knocked on your ass, dusting yourself off, standing right back up in the face of your oppressor, and inviting him to knock you on your ass again. But this time it is different. Because that is not weak. Choosing not to fight is very different than being unable to fight. But once again I do not want to stand up and turn my cheek to my oppressor because I want to show him his folly. I stand up because I want to get out of the dirt. I turn my check because it is better for ME to not respond in anger. It is because I see God’s glory when I do not hate.

I realized all of this when I was thinking of suffering and how important it is for the Christian life. But suffering is only a result of something greater; it should never be a goal in and of itself. A good friend told me that desiring to suffer only leads people to self-righteousness and making them a martyr. But when we envision joy, and yearn to find it, pursue it ever chance we get, and fight to find the joy in this world, suffering will come. But it leads to much fuller suffering. It is suffering from longing for the perfection of the provision of God’s hand. This is glory. This is not self-righteous, because it is longing for something greater than suffering, which is Joy, but it realizes that all joy requires suffering. Because of this, suffering can become beauty. But only when it is a result of searching for something much greater.

I guess I could have titled this post “Focus” because everything I am writing about concerns what should be your primary focus. It is not enough to focus on good things, or make a priority of the truths of the bible. To live into the Kingdom of Glory, we all have to focus on only the best things. Sometimes when I think about how much effort it takes to train myself to live for Glory, I get exhausted. Because it will be a lot of work. But I am comforted that my strength to live under Glory will not come from a superior amount of determination or effort, but an ever greatening simplicity of focus.